You Know You're Canadian If...
- you design your kid's Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit
- driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow
- your Municipality buys a Zamboni before it buys a school bus
- you get milk in plastic bags
- you've plugged a car in overnight
- you measure distance in hours
- if the temperature rises to 0 it's "Patio Weather!"
- everyone carries jumper cables in their car and knows how to use them
- there are seven empty cars running in the parking lot of the local Tim Horton's at any given time
- teenagers can legally drink and gamble
You're a Canadian Redneck If...
- summertime is when you exchange your toque for a ballcap (with a beer logo)
- you have a "good" parka for formal occasions
- the trunk of your car has doubled as a deep-freeze
- you own an ice auger
- you have at least $20 in Canadian Tire money
- you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car
- you think the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada" should be the National Anthem
- your entire French vocabulary came off the back of cereal boxes
- you tell people your job is "government artist" because you "draw pogey"
- you have a bumper sticker saying "Fight Crime! Shoot Back"
- you have a bumper sticker saying "If you're Canadian show me your beaver"
Bragging Rights, eh?
- We invented baseball, basketball, hockey, ATMs, ski-doos, jet-skis, pineapple pizza, Velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, electric wheelchair, Zambonis, the light bulb, peanut butter, IMAX, the telephone, short-wave radios, Smarties, Standard Time, Trivial Pursuit, and Superman.
- All letters addressed to Santa at the North Pole come to Canada and get a polite reply.
- The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still in business as the world's oldest company.
- We have a 99% literacy rate.
- We have the largest English-speaking population that never surrendered or withdrew from any war with anyone anywhere at anytime.